When your relationship is in trouble, Google is often the first place you turn. At 2am. Alone. Anxious. Looking for something solid. We see that all the time, and the questions people type into that little search bar are the same ones we hear across the desk every week.
So, here’s a selection of them. No legal jargon. No waffle. Just some straight-talking answers from a family lawyer who’s been doing this a while.
Do I need a solicitor to get divorced?
Not technically. You can apply online now without one. But if you’re thinking, “Great, I’ll save a few quid and do it myself,” hold that thought for a second.
The bit you do online, the divorce itself, is just the admin side. What it doesn’t do is sort out your finances, pensions, house, or what happens with the kids. That part isn’t automatic, and if you don’t deal with it properly, your ex could come back years later asking for more. (Yes, it happens.)
A solicitor’s job isn’t just to fill in forms. It’s to make sure you don’t get blindsided, everything is settled fairly, and you can both walk away with some sense of real closure.
What am I entitled to in a divorce?
Ah, the million-pound question – sometimes literally!
The truth? There’s no fixed answer. Divorce law isn’t a formula. The court looks at all sorts of things: how long you’ve been together, what you each earn, whether you have kids, what you’ve both put in (money, time, care), and what you’ll both need going forward.
People often think it’ll be 50/50. And sometimes it is. But in plenty of cases, it isn’t – especially if one person needs more support, or if the assets aren’t enough to go round. It’s about fairness, not spreadsheets.
Consider this – what if one spouse was the bread winner, whilst the other stayed home to raise the family, and tend to the household – does this make them any less entitled to that ‘matrimonial pot’ simply because their ‘job’ as it were, was unpaid? Contributions to family life are not linear. Their value isn’t necessarily monetary. And it is this that the court will look at to decide what is fair and deserved from a financial perspective.
Who gets the house in a divorce?
One of the hardest things about separating is figuring out what happens to the home you shared. More often and not, this is because to you, it’s not just bricks and mortar, far from it – it represents a lifetime of memories and routine. People often say, “But I paid more -surely it’s mine?” or “I can’t bear the thought of selling it.” And we get that. But unfortunately, it’s not always that straightforward.
But here’s the honest answer: it depends on your unique circumstances as to who will ‘get’ the house when you divorce. If you’ve got children, the court’s priority is usually making sure they’ve got somewhere secure to live, which might mean the main carer stays in the house for now. In other cases, it might need to be sold, or one person might buy the other out.
There’s no one-size-fits-all. But that’s where family lawyers come in. We can help you to figure out what’s realistic and fair, even if it’s not always what you might have hoped for at the start.
Can I stop my ex seeing the children?
Only if there’s a serious reason, like safety concerns or something that puts the child at real risk.
People sometimes want to cut contact because they’re angry, or hurt, or feel their ex doesn’t “deserve” time with the kids. While that’s understandable emotionally for the adults in this situation, legally, ‘feelings’ don’t hold much weight. The court will instead look at what’s best for the child, not what feels fair to the parents. If the conflict is just about different parenting styles or unresolved emotions from the breakup, the court will usually still support contact happening in some form.
Having said that, if your ex is unreliable, abusive, violent or something’s genuinely ‘not right’ with their behaviour, you need to speak up. You don’t have to send your child into a situation that worries you. However, it’s always best to document your reasoning behind keeping them apart, or collate proof of any wrong-doing, just to ensure your child’s best interests are protected should your former partner choose to legally challenge you on this.
Do I have to disclose my finances in a divorce?
Yes. 100%. Even if you think it’s “just a formality” or “we’ve agreed everything.”
Sorting out finances after divorce means being honest about what you both have. This includes money, property, pensions, shares, debts – the lot. Otherwise it’s like agreeing to split a cake without knowing how big it is.
If you don’t give full disclosure, and it turns out later you hid something (intentionally or not), your ex can come back and reopen the whole thing. And the court takes a dim view of people trying to be clever about assets.
We know it’s uncomfortable sometimes. But it’s also the cleanest way to protect yourself in the long run.
What if we weren’t married?
This is where things get tricky, and frankly, where a lot of people get caught out.
If you’ve been living together for years, have kids, share bills, maybe even bought a house, it might feel like a marriage. But legally? It isn’t. And you don’t get the same protections when you separate.
There’s no automatic right to financial support or to a share of assets unless your name is on something, or you can prove a legal interest. That goes for property, pensions, savings -everything.
People often say, “But we’ve been together 15 years!” Unfortunately, that’s not enough in the eyes of the law. It’s not fair, and it’s not always kind, but it is the current legal position.
If you’re cohabiting, it’s worth talking to someone about a cohabitation agreement. It might not be romantic, but it is sensible, and it can give you some peace of mind and ensure you are both looked after in the long run.
A final word
Googling legal questions is a natural first step. It gives you a bit of direction, maybe even a bit of comfort. But it’s not the whole picture and every case is different. Every family is different. You are different, and you deserve advice that takes your story into account, not just your search terms.
If any of these questions hit home, or if you’ve got others keeping you up at night, our family law team is here to help. No pressure, no jargon, just a real, human conversation about where you are and where you want to go next.
