Going to court isn’t the only way to sort things out when a relationship breaks down. In fact, for many families, it’s the last thing they want. The idea of formal hearings, legal back-and-forth, and a judge deciding personal matters can feel overwhelming, especially when emotions are still raw.
The good news? There are other ways to resolve things. Often more private, more constructive, ways, that ensure you stay more in control of the eventual outcome.
In family law, we call these non-court dispute resolution options, or NCDR. The idea behind it is simple: helping families find a fair way forward without stepping into a courtroom. Whether it’s sorting out finances, making arrangements for children, or agreeing on the practical next steps, these approaches focus on conversation, collaboration and clarity.
Here we take a closer look at how these methods work, and whether one of them might be right for you.
Mediation
Mediation is where many separating couples start, and it can be surprisingly effective, even if things are tense at first.
Here, you and your ex sit down with a trained mediator, and they help guide a structured conversation. You’re not rehashing who said what or picking over who’s to blame. You’re trying to sort out what needs to happen now – practically, financially, emotionally – so you can both move on.
The mediator isn’t there to take sides or hand down judgments. They keep things on track, make sure both voices are heard, and help you find areas of agreement.
Some people are sceptical going in, but with the right setup, it can be incredibly effective. The idea being that you don’t have to be friends for it to succeed, you just have to be willing to try.
Since April 2024, the courts have been really pushing people to give mediation a go before issuing an application. In fact, they can now pause or reject cases where it’s clear that mediation hasn’t been properly considered.
It won’t suit every situation. If there’s been abuse or control, or if one person simply won’t engage, it may not be safe or appropriate. But for many, it’s a chance to have their say, clear the air, and find a way forward that works.
Private FDRs
When the main issue is financial, such as splitting property, pensions, savings, or business interests, a private Financial Dispute Resolution hearing (often called a private FDR) can be a really useful tool.
It’s like a practice run of a court hearing, but without the judge, the wigs, or the endless delays. You and your ex jointly pay a senior family barrister (or sometimes a retired judge) to look at all the financial disclosure and give an informed, neutral view on what a court would likely decide.
It’s not legally binding, but it’s persuasive. Having a trusted, experienced expert lay out where they think things would land if it went to court can be a game-changer. It cuts through the posturing, the what-ifs, and the unrealistic offers. And it’s private. You can all sit around a table (or screen), talk openly, and work towards a deal that actually works.
Private FDRs are especially helpful where there are high-value or complicated finances involved, or where the stakes feel emotionally loaded. And once you’ve reached an agreement, it can be turned into a consent order and lodged with the court to formalise it.
For many people, this is the point where everything stops feeling stuck.
Arbitration
Sometimes you do need a decision. Maybe you’ve tried mediation, or a private FDR, or just months of solicitors’ letters, and you’re still not there. But you still can’t face the idea of heading into the court process. That’s where arbitration comes in.
Arbitration is a private process where you and your ex agree to let a trained family arbitrator (often a senior barrister or solicitor) make a legally binding decision on your behalf. It’s a bit like hiring your own private judge.
You both agree the issues, submit your evidence, and the arbitrator gives you a written decision. That outcome is enforceable and, in most cases, can be converted into a court order without much fuss.
It’s discreet, usually faster than court, and you stay in control of the timetable. That alone is a relief for many clients – no more months of waiting in the dark. It’s particularly useful when something time-sensitive is at play, like a business sale or house completion.
People sometimes assume arbitration’s only for “rich” divorcees. It’s not. It can be cost-effective when you factor in how long and how draining court proceedings can be.
It’s also an option for sorting out child arrangements in some cases, although not where safeguarding or welfare concerns are involved.
What if none of this feels possible?
There are times when court is the right route. If someone refuses to disclose finances, if there’s serious abuse or control, or if one person is actively trying to delay or derail things, then the court has powers that private options don’t.
And if that’s your situation, please don’t worry – that’s where family law solicitors come in. We’re experienced in navigating court proceedings, and we’ll protect your position every step of the way.
But even then, the aim is still resolution. Most cases settle before trial. And if you’ve genuinely tried non-court routes and they haven’t worked, that effort won’t be wasted. Judges see the difference between people who’ve tried to sort things out, and those who haven’t.
How we can help
At Buckles, we help clients explore all of this in a calm, grounded way. We won’t push you into mediation just because the court likes it, and we won’t rush you into litigation either.
What we will do is listen. Properly. Understand what matters to you. And then help you pick the path that fits — emotionally, practically and legally.
That might mean helping you prepare for mediation, or negotiating through solicitors alongside it. It might mean arranging a private FDR and briefing a strong barrister. It might even mean starting court proceedings and pausing them while we explore a better way.
Whatever’s going on in your world, there is a way through. You don’t have to do this alone. And you don’t have to go to war.
Let’s talk about what would help.
