Mediation makes sense after deciding to end your relationship
Although deciding to end your marriage, dissolve your civil partnership or end your relationship is always difficult, the time taken to make that decision may give you space to process and come to terms with it. For your partner, the moment when they are told the relationship is at an end will likely be a shocking and emotional experience.
Every relationship is unique and depending on what has been happening in the lead up to the decision, the ending might feel inevitable, a surprise or even a relief. When a relationship ends, both parties will experience an uncomfortable period of uncertainty, which can be greatly amplified when children are involved.
The emotions of one or both of those involved in the end of the relationship will typically go through five stages, starting with the initial denial of anything being wrong and shock at the decision.
Next anger will replace shock, followed by a phase when promises to change are often made in the hope of rescuing the relationship. Sadness follows and finally, acceptance that the relationship is over is the last stage of the emotional rollercoaster.
Couples may have sought support to fix their relationship, but once the decision has been reached, it’s important for all concerned to take a breath and address the challenge of separation in a calm and dispassionate way to ensure a successful outcome for all.
1. Family mediation can bring a sense of calm
In this, our last post for Family Mediation Week, when we have been looking at the benefits of family mediation for separating couples, it’s important to reiterate the advantages and sense of calm that mediation can bring at a time of immense disruption for both parties.
A mediator, who may also be a solicitor like you will find here at Buckles, is trained in managing healthy conversations and is neutral in approach to help the couple understand each other’s issues, without taking anyone’s side. Mediators deal with the complex situations involved, acting as neutral facilitators for both sides to achieve a mutually acceptable outcome that avoids the court process.
2. Resolution through collaboration
Mediation is a voluntary process, with both parties working together to resolve their issues, however complicated they may appear at first. One party cannot force the other to accept their perspective, however it is healthy for parties to be able to recognise more than one position and explore this. In doing do, parties are able to discuss a measured approach to achieve an acceptable solution. Experience shows that when couples collaborate and negotiate, with the support of an experienced mediator to arrive at a mutual agreement, it typically delivers greater satisfaction than any outcome imposed by a Court.
3. Quicken the pace
There is nothing worse than prolonging the outcome once the decision has been made to end the relationship. Mediation generally speeds up the process of resolving disputes, avoiding the current year-long wait to reach an agreement through the court process. Shortening the process also helps to keep the post-separation relationship more cordial, which is often critical when arrangements for children are concerned.
4. Keep it private
Mediation is not only a voluntary process, but also a confidential one. Neither partner will need to be exposed to a courtroom of people and give evidence against the other, which can often introduce more animosity into proceedings. Handling the issues in privacy, with the support of a neutral mediator, often reduces the stress associated with divorce or dissolution and the agreement to mediate can also include terms restricting either party reporting details of the outcome.
5. Flexibility reduces cost
Importantly, when those involved control the outcome and can be guided by the mediator to achieve a result that reflects their unique situation, family mediation offers flexibility that’s hard to replicate through the court process. Conversely, going to Court can be a long process involving experts, evidence, witnesses, cost awards, etc., all of which can really make divorce or dissolution expensive. Mediation is paid for equally by both parties seeking to resolve matters as quickly as possible, which reduces the cost and improves the outcome.
And finally…
Although it might not be the right choice for everyone, mediation can be a great alternative way to handle divorce or dissolution, through a more amicable process that allows both parties to dispassionately arrive at a mutually acceptable outcome in the privacy of a mediator’s office.
Although we have reached the end of Family Mediation Week, if you would like to know more about the mediation process and how the Family Law team here at Buckles can help, please get in touch today and face the future with confidence.
