Christmas is nearly upon us. It’s a season to be jolly but it is always a sensitive and difficult time for separated parents trying to agree contact over the festive period. Invariably both parents want to spend Christmas day with the child/ren.
Unless the arrangements have been agreed, ordered by the court, then invariably it will be up to the parents to try and agree the arrangements amongst themselves.
Contact over the Christmas period is the biggest cause of conflict amongst separated parents. A common issue is how the time should be divided between the parents? Some parents prefer to have the child/ren for a week as usually there is a 2-week holiday from school. Other parents prefer splitting Christmas day where the child/ren send the day with both parents. On the other hand, some parents prefer to determine the Christmas period over a couple of days to include Christmas day and boxing day. There is no right, or wrong answer and it is almost certainly encouraged to try and reach an agreement that suits you and your family. The arrangements should be child-focused, as the child/ren have a right to have a relationship with both parents.
For younger children, it maybe more appropriate to have two Christmas days. One parent could celebrate Christmas day on boxing day. This would give the child/ren two Christmases and there is no rushing on such a busy day. If the children are older and you live close by, you may consider splitting the day in two. The child/ren could spend the morning with one parent and the afternoon with the other, getting two sets of presents in one day. The most important thing to bear in mind is the child/ren and how they feel.
If there is already a Child Arrangements Order (CAO) in place which sets out the dates that you have the child/ren over Christmas, it is necessary to follow the Order unless you and the other parent can agree a variation. If the CAO is silent on the issue of Christmas contact, it is advisable to initiate a conversation sooner rather than with the other parent to discuss what arrangements can be reached for the benefit of the child/ren.
It is important to communicate with the other parent and approach the topic with an open mind. This can be done through a parenting app which assists with the use of language. You should also be willing to consider the days which are important to the other parent and listen to their opinions.
Be willing to compromise to allow your child/ren to enjoy meaningful quality time with both of their parents. You must take into consideration availability, working hours, practical logistics so try and be flexible.
Once you have reached an agreement, it may be a good idea to confirm this in writing to avoid any misunderstandings or disputes. It is important to then stick to the timings agreed to ensure that both parents have good quality time with the child/ren.
If you encounter difficulties in reaching an agreement, it may assist having a third party involved to try and assist in reaching an agreement.
If you cannot reach an agreement and you have tired all of the above, you may wish to consider mediation or speaking to a solicitor to get some advice.
