Earlier this year I went to a school reunion. I hadn’t seen some of those faces for decades, and it was wonderful to catch up on where life had taken us. What struck me, though, was how quickly the conversation turned to our parents. Almost everyone had a story, whether that’s worries about health, questions about money, decisions about the future. And because we’d all been at an international school, those stories almost always came with a cross-border twist. Parents in one country, children in another, assets scattered between them.
I wasn’t there as a lawyer and I didn’t spend the night handing out advice, but I couldn’t help noticing the patterns. These were exactly the kinds of situations I see in my work. It reminded me how common these issues are, and how difficult they can become if families don’t plan ahead.
Why these conversations matter
It’s never easy to talk to parents about their affairs. Many don’t want to think about getting older, and their children often feel awkward about raising it. But when families are spread across more than one country, leaving things unsaid can store up real problems. By the time something happens, such as illness, loss of capacity, or even death, it’s often too late to put in place the simple steps that would have made life much easier.
Even the most basic information is crucial. Knowing where documents are kept, what assets exist, and who has been appointed to act can save weeks of searching at a time when emotions are already running high. When those assets or appointments stretch across different legal systems, the stakes only increase. A Will prepared in France may not do what a family expects once parents have settled long-term in the UK. A Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA) in England (the legal document that allows a trusted person to step in and make financial or health decisions if someone loses capacity) may not be recognised abroad. What looks neat on paper in one country can unravel quickly in another.
Starting with the basics
The first step I usually suggest is simple – get everything written down. Ask your parents to make a record of their bank accounts, investments, and property. Note where their Wills are stored, and whether they have an LPA or the equivalent in another country. Check who they’ve chosen as executors or attorneys, and whether those people are still contactable.
It sounds obvious, but so often those details are missing. In international families, people move, names change, addresses get lost. Suddenly no one knows who to call, or even which country to start in. Just having that information to hand can make an enormous difference.
Different countries, different rules
Once the basics are in place, the next challenge is understanding that laws are not the same everywhere. In England, people generally have freedom to leave their estate as they choose. In France, forced heirship rules apply. These are laws that give children fixed rights to a share of their parents’ estate, even if the parents’ Will says otherwise. A document that works in one system may not translate properly into another.
The same is true of powers of attorney. An English LPA might not be accepted in France, and a French mandat de protection future (their version of a power of attorney) may carry no weight in the UK. Families sometimes need more than one set of documents, carefully prepared so they work alongside each other rather than clash. Without that joined-up thinking, well-intentioned planning can backfire.
The problem with piecemeal advice
I often see parents who have taken advice locally in different countries, each time in isolation. It’s understandable – you sort things out where you live at the time. But the trouble comes when those separate pieces of advice don’t fit together.
Take French estate planning as an example. Tools like usufruct arrangements (where someone keeps the right to use an asset, such as living in a property, while ownership passes elsewhere) or matrimonial property contracts (agreements about how a couple’s assets are owned and divided) can be sensible for families in France. But for parents who have become long-term residents in the UK, those same arrangements can cause real tax problems, or simply fail to achieve what was intended under English law. The end result can be confusion, expense and family disputes – exactly the outcomes that parents will have wanted to avoid.
When simplification helps
Another point that comes up time and again is unnecessary complexity. Parents may still have bank accounts or investments in countries they left decades ago. They may hold property that no longer has any real use but brings with it layers of administration.
I’ll often ask: Do you really need all those accounts? Wouldn’t it make things easier to simplify? Of course there can be good reasons to keep assets abroad, but often simplification helps everyone. It reduces the risk of things being forgotten, and it means families aren’t dealing with scattered, hard-to-trace assets at a difficult time.
Why joined-up advice matters
No single lawyer can cover every jurisdiction. But it is possible, and essential, to bring together advice that works across borders. That might mean working with a lawyer who has experience in more than one system, or coordinating between professionals in different countries.
This joined-up approach is the safest way to make sure arrangements don’t contradict each other. It also gives families peace of mind that, wherever they are, the plan holds together.
Don’t forget tax
Inheritance tax can be an unpleasant surprise for international families. Parents may assume that because they live in one country, only that country’s tax rules will apply. In practice, assets in multiple jurisdictions can attract attention from multiple tax authorities.
Sometimes double tax treaties (eg, international agreements designed to prevent the same assets being taxed twice) can soften the blow. But they don’t always eliminate it. Families who expect tax to be a one-country issue are often surprised to find bills in two.
Tax is not the only factor, but it is a crucial one. Families need to plan with eyes open – balancing the wish to minimise exposure with the need to keep arrangements practical and in line with parents’ wishes.
Keeping it under review
Planning for aging parents is not a one-off task. Circumstances change. People move. Laws evolve. Families grow and shift. A Will that made sense ten years ago may not reflect the reality today.
That’s why I always recommend reviewing arrangements regularly, or at least after major life changes. It keeps everything up to date and prevents nasty surprises later.
And what about your own planning?
Helping your parents with these conversations often shines a light on your own affairs. Many of the same cross-border issues apply to the next generation too. If you are juggling life in more than one country, take the opportunity to look at your own planning as well. It is far easier to address these issues in advance than to leave them for your children to sort out later.
Talking to parents about aging and planning isn’t easy. In international families, it can feel overwhelming. But taking those first steps, such as gathering information, simplifying where possible, and getting advice that looks at the whole picture, makes all the difference.
The truth is that no family wants to be sorting out complex legal problems in the middle of a crisis. By starting early and keeping arrangements under review, you give everyone the gift of clarity and peace of mind.
At Buckles, we work with many families facing exactly these cross-border questions, particularly where English and French law overlap. If this resonates with your own situation, we’re here to help.
